I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
