i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
