Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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