Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
