theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
