Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
