Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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