He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
