Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize