apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
