Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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