I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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