sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His hands were made for my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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