I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
