I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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