I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
