i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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