Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
