remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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