i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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