And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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