I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm really busy with my period
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