I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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