you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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