i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
