I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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