so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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