Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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