You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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