I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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