She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you didnt know i had herpes?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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