So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
