Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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