last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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