i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
