i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
