You smell like stripper and shame
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
