remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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