that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
