I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
