i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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