He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
