Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
