I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
