Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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