So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
