yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
