I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and you said cock pushups were impossible
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
