I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
