my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize