You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
