My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
