Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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