you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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