evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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