I heard we made out
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
