The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
