The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
