i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
