i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
