I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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