he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
try to milk me bitch
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
