You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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