is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
