dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
