I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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