Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
