My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
