Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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