I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
