I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
