You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
