i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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