God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
