do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
