I wish I only lived at night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
