New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
