ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
