I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
