weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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