dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
