I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
