I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
