I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
