either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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